In the spirit of St. Valentine, I am resurrecting this previously published post that has new meaning today as I thrive in my tenth year of my MARRIAGE.  Love is in the air but it is hard earned and consistently challenging so Cupid and chocolate are always welcome.

Previously published February 2010

I just had a difficult conversation with my husband.  It was the kind of talk that can lead to a bad situation.  I’ve never been one to hold back. I don’t believe in the idea that there are some things you do not share with your mate.

I’ve been in a needy state lately.  Some days find me wishing that I could have more of the kind of attention that the first few months of a relationship gives you. And while my immature thoughts are kept in check, they still exist.  It’s hard to grow up. It’s even harder to realize after ten years with someone, that they are never going to see you as new.  I like new.  It gives me the opportunity to be fabulous.  It makes everything possible in a way that old hat does not provide.

Back to the difficult conversation.  I told him I wanted to sit down and talk. I could almost see the cogs and wheels in his brain shift towards catastrophe. “It’s nothing bad. No affair or anything.” I proclaimed.  “I’m just having some unsettling thoughts about us and about marriage and I want to talk them through with you.”  I could tell this was not going to flow as anticipated.

I discussed my feelings. I tried to explain how my thoughts were drifting towards the newness of relationships. How I wanted to be perceived as vibrant and sexy. How I wanted to meet someone that thought I was fantastic. I attempted to break down my emotions in a way that would not conjure hurt.  I tried to tell it like I am.  I could hear the disappointment in his voice.  I knew this was not the usual husband and wife banter. I had touched on something that so many people feel but never share.  Honesty can be unsettling.

I reached out to him about my neediness. I told him I preferred that I preferred HIS attention. The inescapable fact of marriage is that it is possible to get bored.  Sometimes mates get bored; even soul mates get the blues.

In the midst of my confessions, something interesting happened.  He said, “Me too.”

For a moment, I wanted to get offended. What does he mean “me too”.  Aren’t I the best partner ever? How could he be feeling the same thing? Doesn’t he know this is MY internal crisis?

Then I had to laugh at myself. Suddenly, I wanted to give him a great big hug and feel the comfort of the last decade.  I actually felt relieved when he shared his lack of contentment within our marriage.  I felt like we were having a real conversation, like real friends.  I’m not afraid of either of us wanting life to be better.  Sometimes, you have to fine tune a marriage.

We agreed to increase our relationship health checks to monthly instead of annually.  I told him how happy I was to feel close enough to talk about the hardest subjects.  We both left the conversation feeling thankful and aware of the work ahead to be done.

I wanted to tell him my inner most thoughts because he is my partner.  We share this experience together and to me, that means the whole experience, not just the pleasant parts that fit into a nice box.

I love my husband. I still get butterflies when I see him barefoot and shirtless wearing jeans.   I don’t want to change him;  I just want to grow with him.  As for new, well that’s why they invented shopping.

————–UPDATE: five and a half years later…

I’m in love. We are still keeping it real. Staying in honesty. Having difficult conversations. I’ve never been closer to anyone. Once you can break through the need to be safe in a relationship you can be FREE in your relationship. To your wild success!





————–  An update two years later…

I’m in love.  I still find my best friend by my side everyday as we raise our children and manage our dreams.  Everything worth having is worth the hard work required to maintain.  The happiest of Valentines to everyone who might not have had a Hallmark moment today.  Keep the faith. Forge ahead. Love is on your side.

And if love is sweet, here are my favorite  links of the day:

joy the baker’s chocolate beet cake request

i am baker’s mini heart cake

with style and grace inspiration

Pots de chocolate creme a l’orange



Gratitude is a practice.

December 1, 2013

It’s been over a year since I sat down quietly with my thoughts. A year of living dangerously.  Time has been limited. The world has been demanding and then there was this cookbook project.  I bit off more than I could socially chew and find myself missing my blog and more importantly, missing my reflections.

 So often we get caught up in projects and deadlines and the never ending to do list.  I get dizzy sometimes from all the “busy-ness”. I’ve been learning to slow down.  To take a break when I feel overwhelmed. My grandpa Kermit told me (a thousand times) to “walk on the sunny side of the street”.  It only took me thirty plus years to absorb the information.

Gratitude is a practice.  It requires that we slow down.  I’ve spent most of my life asking “what’s wrong?” instead of confirming what is right. It’s exhausting and depleting and entirely the wrong question for happiness. Gratitude is the tool I use to examine what’s right so I can manifest more of the good things.

I truly believe happiness is a series of habits we create.  It took years to understand and seconds to change. It will take a lifetime to perfect.

The Fresh 20 Boys

So much to be grateful for...

Our lives can be full of complaints and concerns or it can be filled with compliment and contentedness.  Everyday is a chance to sing praises and work on the good stuff.  Negativity is easy.  Staying positive is a gift I’m giving myself this holiday season.  Any takers?


One Simple Change: Surprisingly Easy Ways to Transform Your Life

I recently received this book from the author, Winnie Abramson. For under ten dollars, it’s worth the reminder that we all can make small changes to receive big rewards. I’m thinking of using it as my 2014 guide to better living.

What changes are you making for more health and happiness?


The start of something – a midlife renewal.

September 1, 2012

The playboy mansion is not traditionally where people have one of their first dates.  Bunnies and hunks everywhere. Celebrities posing on the edges of the room.   People really do get in the pool.  And yes, I checked out the grotto.  It’s just a hot tub with room for, oh,  a hundred. I noticed these things [...]


Just like you.

July 10, 2012

I ordered take out last week. Twice.  I’m not sure why I feel guilty, but as owner of an enterprise promoting fresh made-at-home meals, I hang my head in ceremonial shame.  The truth is, I am no different than anyone else struggling to survive life, love, and t-ball. I’m just like you. I burn toast, [...]


Food tears.

June 21, 2012

For all the confidence and bravado of doing everyday business in the world, I am still a little girl easily frightened by the slightest hint of rejection. I’m writing a book and at present, having a silent meltdown about my ability to finish, my place in the world and as fate would have it, acceptance. [...]


Bread Making 101 : Mark Furstenberg

April 23, 2012

I have a deep appreciation for specialists.  The patience and passion required to hone in on something, absorb knowledge and carry it, with care, into the future is a human gift not everyone receives. Mark Furstenberg has such a gift.  By trade, a bread maker, consultant and restaurateur.  Today, an unassuming educator in bread making. [...]


Ruth Pretty’s New Zealand Experience

April 1, 2012

An International Association of Culinary Professionals experience. It’s Sunday. My taxi is racing behind an ambulance towards Soho. This must be considered the New York express lane. Today smells good. Crisp air, coffee beans, and a modest amount of anticipation.  My morning cooking workshop promises food. Ruth Pretty, a 25 year food veteran, embodies the [...]


One fine day. A Kitchen Aid story.

March 10, 2012

It’s out of control. My life. No complaints. No surrender. I’m in the flow and the river is a class 4 rapid. I’m strapped in and my paddle is sturdy but then, sometimes I hit a rock. I realize I have not shared with many of you the news of my impending cookbook.  I’m working [...]